Please Don T Be Mad At Me – Synonyms For Please Don&#39T Be Mad At Me

Any time I've upset someone I end up apologizing for all of it. Sometimes it's warranted but sometimes it's probably not. I think I just can't handle someone I'm close to being upset at me. It triggers the abandonment fears way too much and I immediately jump into crisis mode trying to fix the situation by taking complete responsibility, even though sometimes people get upset at each other and that's normal and okay.

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How do you stop yourself or moderate this behavior?

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I've gotten way better about this really quickly by reading things on r/BPDSOFFA (a sad, heartbreaking place, don't go there if you're feeling vulnerable!). One thing I read was that BPD people often don't apologize for the right reasons. Your title being the textbook example. A true apology addresses the feelings of the person you're saying sorry to.

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I learned from a school teacher what a proper apology is, and how to do one (this is a trick she uses with kids):

What did you do that was wrong?

Why was it wrong?

What will you do in the future instead?

If your apology doesn't or can't have all 3, then it's not a real apology, and you either need to reword it or not give it.

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For example, I'm often tempted to apologize for “being a horrible person” and a “burden” and stuff. But there's no #3! I can't do anything differently, because what I'm apologizing for is who I am as a person. If I can change, then I need to reword what's an empty apology (e.g., “I'm sorry I'm so unreliable. I shouldn't have tried to make plans with someone after we'd already planned to do something together, that was unfair to you. In the future, I'll check my calendar and stick to my commitments before making plans.” is way better than “I'm sorry I'm such a shitty girlfriend and I let you down all the time, please don't be mad.”)

I still need to suppress the impulse, because having someone I care about (or anyone at all!) be mad at me is so unignorably painful, but I HAVE to prioritize my relationships over my feelings, or I'll lose those relationships.

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