Any time I've upcollection someone I end up apologizing for all of it. Sometimes it's warranted however sometimes it's most likely not. I think I just can't manage someone I'm cshed to being upset at me. It triggers the abandonment fears means also a lot and also I instantly jump into crisis mode trying to solve the instance by taking complete duty, also though occasionally civilization obtain upset at each other and that's normal and okay.
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How perform you stop yourself or modeprice this behavior?
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I've acquired method better about this really easily by analysis things on r/BPDSOFFA (a sad, heartbreaking place, don't go tbelow if you're feeling vulnerable!). One thing I check out was that BPD human being often don't apologize for the right reasons. Your title being the textbook example. A true apology addresses the feelings of the person you're saying sorry to.
I learned from a college teacher what a appropriate apology is, and also just how to do one (this is a trick she supplies via kids):
What did you carry out that was wrong?
Why was it wrong?
What will certainly you execute in the future instead?
If your apology doesn't or can't have actually all 3, then it's not a genuine apology, and also you either must reword it or not provide it.
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For instance, I'm frequently tempted to apologize for "being a horrible person" and a "burden" and also stuff. But there's no #3! I can't do anything differently, bereason what I'm apologizing for is that I am as a person. If I deserve to readjust, then I must reword what's an empty apology (e.g., "I'm sorry I'm so undependable. I shouldn't have actually tried to make plans via someone after we'd already planned to do something together, that was unfair to you. In the future, I'll examine my calendar and also stick to my commitments prior to making plans." is method better than "I'm sorry I'm such a shitty girlfriend and I let you down all the moment, please don't be mad.")
I still should suppush the impulse, because having actually someone I treatment around (or anyone at all!) be mad at me is so unignorably painful, yet I HAVE to prioritize my relationships over my feelings, or I'll shed those relationships.